He looked at me as he comfortable sat down onto the big armchair next to the large sash window.
‘Why not? What can you lose? Now that you know what you know there is nothing measurably difficult to accomplish, but it is up to you. You are in charge, only you can make that decision and the way things are going something needs to be done. It doesn’t have to be you but it is up to you’.
His presence filled the room. He had an enormous presence, which was uplifting, reassuring, sharp, and at the same time childishly serious.
You know that it is not an easy decision- I replied.
He looked deep into my eyes so deep that forms slightly started fading around us. He held his vision right into my soul, which resonated with mine.
‘Remember who you are. Focus on the greater collective good, rather than your individual loss or gain. Imagine the world you want your great grandchildren to live and strive in. Envision all the beauties, freedoms and joys of a truly fulfilled life, and decide how this would help perpetuate those gifts’.
He reached across the coffee table and opened up a beautiful silver box, which was engraved, with his initials and a quote, which appeared to be in Latin, but I was not able to read the scribe. He carefully took out a cigar and lit it.
‘You know very well that what you were involved in was not going to benefit future generations in the way in which you intended to. That is the reason you decided to stop what you were doing. You understood that sometimes the cost of self control is simply too high.
In order to fit in, you were suppressing a tremendous emotional charge and it started taking a toll on your body. This lightning bolt instead of being released to find its target, started to get grounded and trapped within your body, zapping your internal organs and your nervous system. The energy became too intense to contain.
It happens when for a long time we suppress the truth that should be acknowledged, spoken and acted upon. You knew that taking those steps you have taken will set loose that lightening and by doing so you will create permanent change.
You made a choice, allowing your desperate desire to be on the other side of the issue. You overcame the fear of invoking change. You made the first step’.
He looked at me and smiled.
‘Isn’t this what I taught you to do in your work? Now you know how hard it is and at the same time how liberating it is for those who practise overcoming their fear under your guiding hands’.
‘Remember who you are and choose your path’.
I closed my eyes and quietly said. Okay.
‘Well? He said, as he hadn’t heard me. Are you going to choose?’
I silently giggled, stood up, went to my desk and picked up a notebook. Why not? I scribbled on the first page.
This is going to be the title of it.
He nodded and stretched out in the armchair, quietly acknowledging that I remembered what he taught me; that decisions are not made with words, but with actions.
He relaxed in the knowing that I was going to do it.
From his point of view things were so much easier and simpler. He didn’t have a physical body anymore, but he couldn’t influence the physical as much as I could either.
I had a great respect for him, but he told me once; -don’t put anyone on a pedestal, if for some silly reason you do, imagine them having a ‘rush’. It will stop you.
‘You my dear girl, first and foremost learn to respect yourself. Once you achieved that, you made the first step to accomplishing what you came here for’.
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